Tuesday, August 28, 2012


It's late. Kiddos are in bed. I'm lonely. Just got done studying.

What could you possibly do to make mom-life harder? Get a full time job and/or go to college at the same time. What could make that harder? Doing it at home with your littles underfoot.

Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?

Sometimes, I truly feel pathetic. I second guess everything I've ever done. I graduated high school at 17, great GPA, decent ACT scores, and headed to a private university (they certainly think they're awesomesauce . . . can you say $$$$$) just after turning 18. Now I've made my choices. Here I am. I'm 22, haven't held a regular job in 3 years, eeking by to hopefully finish my 2 year degree before 23.

Then I go and look in at those two beautiful girls. I walk out of their room and pass the portrait of my Marine on the wall. There are toys all over the floor, used dishes in the sink, leftovers from a good meal on the counter, and a pile of dirty clothes (still) sitting in a hamper.

What the HELL is wrong with me? I have nothing to complain about. Seriously. I have nothing to want. This is far from being pathetic. I sincerely hope no one pities me. If you are you're wasting your time.

So here's a better perspective. I'm only 22. I all ready have an incredible marriage of three years to my best friend in the universe. We've made these two amazing little humans (the most amazing in the world in my humble mommy opinion). I have done all I can to bring in extra money (babysitting, ebay, paper route anyone?). Even though I could drop out now I haven't and even thought a 2 year degree has taken me 4.5 years I'm going to get it. (By all means, I might just take a stab at getting my 4 year degree.) I supported my husband as he pursued his dream of becoming a United States Marine. Rather than accumulate more debt staying in a private school I dropped out until I could afford it.

It may seem out of order. It's definitely harder. But I'll be damned if anyone convinces me this isn't the best story.

Certainly, there is no better legacy I can create than the two sleeping babes on the other side of this wall. There is no better creation, no wiser investment, no richer return.

Sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm in school. I'm doing this for me. I actually love to learn and if it was free I'd probably stay in school until I die. But, I'm also doing this for them. They need to know what they're capable of doing. Who better to show them than their own parents?

So there you have it. My next to last semester at this school has begun. I'm keeping fingers crossed I can kill these courses, transfer to an online program, and get my bachelor's. Meanwhile, my man is out in a field somewhere being amazing. Our two princesses are in their warm beds.

Note to self: I'd take the red pill again just like that.

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