Saturday, September 14, 2013

Don't Breastfeed in Public Because People are Crazy!

The whole trend of blog-to-blog response is totally in so I'm going to try it. Go read this gem right here. Then come back to read my responses. I certainly have nothing better to do at 4:45am on a Saturday morning than to blog-back to a random article on cafemom.

1. Children are the ones who are being breastfed. I've never met a child that was the LEAST bit disturbed, alarmed, or bothered by seeing a baby or toddler nurse.  Many who have seen or met me while I was nursing just point out the baby and say nothing else. One time a ~5 year old stayed true to the awkwardly honest nature of a 5 year old and blurted loudly "What's she doing with that baby?!" Mom's response? "Feeding it." (Tada! End of story!) At first I thought the sentence "I wouldn't want him splashing around and . . . " was going in a different direction like say "I wouldn't want him splashing around and disturbing the mom and baby by covering them in chemically water in the middle of a feeding." Nevermind. Just another typical no-nipples-please post.

#2. Nipples turned you off your appetite? I hear this. I think . . . I bet it doesn't turn your appetite off when you see them in a sexual setting. Just in the biologically nourishing setting. I mean, I get it, nipples are kind of random and squishy. Boobs are generally rounded and squishy too. But, do bottles gross you out too? It kind of looks like a bottle with skin color, a boob. At least, I'm pretty sure that was the whole idea behind the design of bottles. Stay away from the baby aisles at Target they have hundreds of nipples displayed all over the wall. Some are clear but some are tan or pinkish!!

#3. I get the logic here. I really do. But,  I have a better solution. Start kicking perverts (aka creepy men) in the balls, poking them in the eyes, and taking them off airplanes. If they must travel tie their hands under their butts, buckle them in, and put duck tape down on their closed eye lids. Yay.

#4. See my answer to #1. I can totally guess what my three year old would say . . . "IS THAT A BAAAYYYBAYYYY!?" or "Is that LADY feeding that BABY over there mom??" My answer: yes, thanks for talking so loud because now I have no ear drums. I mean are you taking your 7 year old to hooters regularly and teaching them to scream "TITTIES!!!!" at the sight of a boob? I could see how that might be totally embarrassing for you. Don't go to the beach with them.

#5. Yes, elaborate. I guess your logic is that all the repentant perverts are at church so we should cover up so as not to disturb their time of worship. Yes, no, maybe? I personally think it's much less noticeable to dip a top down and latch a baby then to throw a cape made of dazzling, eye-catching fabric over your head. It's super rude to passive aggressively announce that you're a superhero in the middle of church.

No really, I hear the concern for mamas and babies. Please, grab that mama a glass of water and a snack. Go buy her a gift certificate for a back massage. Offer her a more comfortable seat. Punch a pervert. Those are much better ways of showing your concern IMHO.

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