Taking the Kid's Toys Away

     It happened. We reached that point in the parenthood thing where we were fed up. Done. The TOYS were never-ending and never put away. It's barely a month after Christmas and they just don't give a rip that their new stuff is upside down or stepped on. Forget that noise. We took EVERY last toy away about a week ago*. I think. I think it was a week ago. It's Wednesday, right?

    Yeah, I just went and scrolled through my personal facebook page to see which day it was because I knew I posted about it. Ha. It was a week ago exactly! They have only earned one thing back (the duplo legos). Those have been taken back from them multiple times too.

      The cabin fever is real. We are out of our minds. Sunday was a sweet reprieve with the random 60 degree temps. We spent 3 hours at the park playing. But, we're right back below freezing with more nasty precipitation this week. Mind you, we've been to Chick-fil-a, the library, and the art museum more than once this month. We go let them walk around through the store** just to get some of the spare endless energy out. At this rate, they'll get their toys back when they are in their twenties.

    There's plenty to complain about. I could go on about it for a while. I'll just be quick about it though. Feel free to skip this part. [The kids are crazy. The toys are taking up space in our room. Stomp stomp. Wah wah. They don't seem to care that their toys are gone. It's not working. Failing. Failure. Why why whyyy?]

    As all of this is going down something wonderful is happening. My girl's imaginations are growing tenfold! They are great little pretenders and story makers as it were. But now. Wow! The big bed is a mountain. The toddler bed is a boat. The plastic storage boxes are the treasures. Socks are crocodiles. The cubby bookshelf is a "giant, giant bird house" with all kinds of crazy birds living in them with their babies. The tall bookshelf is a ladder to the spaceship (although my sensible side tells them NOT to climb it!). Their hands are paddles and phones and brushes for the invisible "good" animals. The closet is a "bad cave". Hubby and I are the monsters half the time. Pants and long-sleeved shirts have become capes. This is only a compilation of their ideas for ONE of the pretend games they play! How awesome is this?! I love it! Their play with the legos is even more creative now, in my opinion.

      We won't get rid of all of their toys. Some were begging to be put out of their misery, donated, or sold anyway. I think we're going to get a cabinet of some kind and put them all away rather than having them out and available all the time. I feel kind of guilty because I'm a 90s kid and Toy Story ruined me. Still. I use logic. Logic tells me . . . the toys won't feel too bad and they'll enjoy listening to the girls pretend all day.

    I think this will do them almost as much good as when we ban them to "be bored" outside on gorgeous days like my own parents did. They'll have to do terrible things like run around, play hide and seek, and dig holes. I can't wait! (Well, I can and I will but you know what I mean.)
    

*I will say we aren't pure evil/their giant eyes break my mommy heart so they got to keep their lovey animals that they sleep with and carry around everywhere. Also, they have their books. Books aren't toys.

** With us. We walk with them. They hold our hands and all that good stuff. I promise.

Just One Hour With My Daughter

      Oh, my sweet daughter. She's my little delight. She's certainly beautiful on the outside with her golden locks and her sparkling blue eyes but she's absolutely amazing on the inside. Three has been a rough age for sure. I learned pretty quickly when I was around lots of different kiddos working in a daycare that the third year made the second year seem super easy. I couldn't have comprehended then how truly challenging it is to deal with a preschool-aged kid. My sweet firstborn love, in particular, was a high-need baby and she continues to be a very sensitive little soul. She's like the exact opposite of the Grinch. Her heart is 50 times bigger than normal and every little thing affects her deeply.

     It's been a long time since we got some one-on-one time. New baby siblings make that more complicated than normal. Today we got out for an hour just me and her. It wasn't a big deal. I was just making a quick trip to Target for some random groceries. I took her along while hubby watched the other two. One whole hour.

    She talked and talked and talked. Undivided attention is a rare treat when you are one of three kids under three. She soaks it all in. She let me into her world for that hour.

     We saw a school bus. She told me about going to school and playing with kids. She told me she wanted to learn about bones and letters and all the animals.

     She saw some big houses and told me we should get a big, big house for lots of kids and lots of animals. She wants a pink pillow and three new books and she likes the sky when it's blue but it's just grey and cold right now but when the sun comes up it gets blue, blue, blue again.

    We saw a horse and a cow. "Where are their babies?" she asked. "They'll be so sad without their babies with them." And she continued telling me all about the horse and the cow and  their babies (that we've never met or seen before).

     She told me how the stop lights work ("red means stop, STOP, NOW and green means go real fast"). She told me how her carseat keeps her safe and she shouldn't unbuckle it. She told me how she wanted to go to the park and library again soon. She told me she likes it when mama is happy and not sad or angry.

    She asked to stop before we left just to look at all the Valentine's cards and we did. She admired the colors and the glitter and the hearts. "Why are these here for mama?" she asked. "For Valentine's day." I replied. "Well, I just like Valentine day." she smiled. 

    I let her choose some juice and some cereal. She chose to think of her sister. She picked out things Sweet Pea (2 years) would like and told me that Little Buddy (3 months) "just only needs milk from mama though".

   We talked and talked about so much more.

   She told me and a stranger and the cashier how much she loves her sister and brother.

   She fell asleep in the car on the five minute drive home telling me about her "body book". (She's fascinated by bones and organs! our genius. we love it!).  It was just an hour but it was an hour well spent. I hope and pray she can always talk to me but I know there will be times she chooses someone else to share her sweet heart with instead of Mama. Whoever they are they are in for a treat and I pray they appreciate her heart as much as I do (not that I believe it's really possible). I want to always remember these moments. 


  

    

Parenting: Their First Foundation

     We have two daughters and a son on the way. Blessed is an understatement. Blessed is the understatement of the century.

     Parenting is a radical experience. That's the best way I know to describe it. Even the moments leading up to a first pregnancy or adoption form a part of this crazy experience. It's so normal, the majority of humankind experiences it. But, it is unexplainable that with however many millions before me having gone through this relative experience it still remains an experience that is so mystifying, overwhelming, and surreal. It is unexplainable that as many millions before me have gone through the heartache, the challenges, and the risk of becoming parents that we (I) still jump into the role so willingly.

     I love my children beyond good reason. I could talk about my girls for days. I'm all ready deeply in love with my boy. They fascinate me. They thrill me. They challenge me. They make me better. I've never tried to change so much of myself for the better for someone, not even my husband. I want to give them everything. Sometimes I want to be their everything (which is a perpetual insanity). When I do things, make decisions, or weigh options for anything I think of my husband and I think of them. I've lost my old self to this inherent new identity and there will never be a way to get the person I was back (not that I'm terribly in want of her, that's a whole other post). It's amazing.

Until you're in the midst of it there is no way to fathom it.

    My first job was at a daycare. I enjoyed it a lot. I learned a lot. There were so many different kids and parents for me to observe. I thought for sure I'd have parenting down by the time I had my own kids aside from not knowing exactly how my own kids would be. I saw what worked and didn't work with different kids. I saw what different parents tried or would never attempt. I saw them upset over little things. I saw them irrationally calm over what I thought were big things. There was - with every single parent - a feverish desire to provide their children with the best. After working there for almost 2 years I thought I had a pretty good idea of how I'd be as a parent. It's laughable now because I could never have been more wrong. I misunderstood so much. As much as I adored my little classes and judged the numerous parents on their every move I simply had no freaking clue. None. Sure, I could do the mechanical things: prepare a bottle of formula or breast milk, change a diaper, potty train a willing kid, show them flashcards, read them books, fix their snacks, put them down for naps, and show them new toys or games or songs. At the end of the day, they were not mine. Their very little, bright, sweet souls were not my load to bear. My duty was only to them in the minutes and hours they were with me and even then the ultimate responsibility was on their parents, present or not. Often, I may have thought it was good of us teachers to give our time to these babes: teaching them bible verses and praise songs, showing them letters and numbers, disciplining bad behavior, and modeling good behavior but ultimately we stood in as temporary extensions of their parents. We were a provisional choice made by the parents! All that to say, I had no idea what I was really getting into . . .

     Parental love is illogical, self-defeating, burdensome, and it ought to be feared. The beauty of this intransigent human connection nullifies any single thing we bring against ourselves as we become parents. The sleeplessness, the unkempt dress, the loss of free income, the loss of time alone. Even our bodies our not solely our own anymore whether we carry a fetus through pregnancy, nurse a new baby (whether it's for a month or through toddler-hood), or simply neglect our own self-care in order to prioritize that of our child. Those are just the "shallow" things (and they really aren't all that shallow are they?).

     They are "ours" we say. They are "ours" to mold and teach, love and comfort, direct and encourage. We are their first foundation. I think that's what moms and dads really are in the end. We are the foundation these beauties of ours are built upon. A lot of people never realize this. A lot of people (like me) don't totally see this picture of parenthood until AFTER the offspring has arrived. Some, unfortunately, never see it coming or never realize the truth.

    What's a thousand times scarier than this is that we are only their temporary foundation. They are ours to lift up, ours to support, ours to enjoy and pour into and fall in love with. But. . . they are not ours to keep or to hold back or even, in the very end, ours to save.

    Imagine building a grand mansion down to the details of decor. Imagine putting your entire livelihood into it. Now, realize that every moment of work and every scrap of care you put into that structure was meant to be moved. It was meant to be designed for another place. It was meant to belong to someone else. It was never really yours in the sense things are yours.

   Imagine receiving a commission from the highest power on the planet for the most exquisite work of art you'd ever created. All the stress you would put into making it the best. All the material you would need to make sure you created a masterpiece.

   Imagine being given the most priceless jewel in the universe. It is yours to hold and keep and treasure until further notice. If you are diligent, you will be given the greatest gift of all. You put all of your time, energy, and focus on this thing. The time comes. The jewel is taken from your hands. The greatest gift of all time: knowing the jewel was cared for while you had it and perhaps the chance to see it shine someday.

    And that's how impossible and insane parenting really is . . . . It all starts with the first moments of their lives with you, then a slow and sure separation (one we are meant to guide and nurture to fruition!) that begins at the cut of the cord. No matter what, no matter what they become, whether they leave us early or stay with us longer than expected we are their first foundation. No matter what they change about themselves or where they go or what they do or who they give themselves to we are always their parents. We, my husband and I, will always be a part of them.


    And in the end of it all, I would never give this opportunity up for anything. Nothing can compare.

Turning Everyday Chores Into Big Learning Opportunities

     My kids (3 and almost 2) love to learn. If circumstances allow us I hope to be able to homeschool them. There's a lot of emphasis on going to daycare/preschool/kindergarten for toddlers to pre-elementary kiddos these days. Whether you work at home or out, stay home part time or full time, use a sitter, or send them to an in-home or typical brick-and-mortar daycare one of the top priorities you probably have is giving your kids opportunities to learn. Not just to learn mundanely but to experience new things, discover their world, and to thrive while they do it!

   I know all sorts of parents. Single parents, married parents, military parents. SAHM, SAHD, WAHD, WAHM, WOHM, WOHD (do you know what all these mean??). There are parents who travel a lot for work. There are parents that have an in-home office. Some parents have flexible schedules and some have strict itineraries. I know that every single one of them wants this same thing for their babes: the best.

    This constant want for our kids is what drives us crazy, makes us feel guilty, and leaves us wondering if we did the right thing or did enough. It's why we've become obsessed with structured learning, book-work, and the-next-best-thing in education. There are some very easy, simple ways to incorporate learning into the every day. We just have to take advantage of these little opportunities.


#1. Just talk. Talk to your kids. No subject is too small or too big. Want them to learn a language? Talk to them. Want them to learn to read? Read with them. Talk to them about reading the books. I know when I take the opportunities to really communicate with my kids, hear their words, and use words they've yet to hear their little minds are blossoming. Suddenly, a week later they are bringing up some random conversation about how the traffic lights mean stop on red and go on green. They start to understand. That means they can start to share with me in turn their own ideas about all these things in the universe. They start to form questions.

#2. Kids are naturally curious, inquisitive little sponges just sitting there waiting to soak up every morsel available. You know all the things you just know because you do? There's a lint trap in the dryer. Our money is printed and/or minted and has inherent set value. Candles and crayons are both made of wax. Gravity makes us fall and keeps us from floating away. Light bulbs were invented by ________. Yeah, we've all ready learned. We know the answers. Kids have no idea. It's why they are so busy. It's why they test things. It's why they pick at, poke, and bang on things. They are little scientists making observations! They are so eager to know what we know and they will go about making discoveries in their own special ways.

#3. Watch them. Observe them for a while. See what makes them tick. What brings that sparkle to their eye and the light into their face?

    Take these things: communication, their natural sponge-likeness, and your observations and go with it. There are some things nearly every parent, no matter their situation, can do to incorporate opportunities for learning into the blah, every day, normal activities. These opportunities are easy to miss. I get so involved in just getting things done around the house sometimes that rather than involving the kids I just do my best not to trip over them. If they are kept involved while I'm doing a chore then they 1) are doing something productive by learning how to clean, 2) are getting quality time with me and 3) aren't somewhere else making another mess or meddling.

Before I go further let me just say: I get 100% that sometimes we just need to get things done without being slowed by sweet little helpers. ;) Sometimes we need quiet, we just need space, or we need them to PLAY ALONE in their rooms without mama or daddy or the TV entertaining them. Sometimes we do want the TV to entertain them for a half-second so for that precious half-second we can feel like we're ahead a bit. No doubt. But, that's not always the case.

Like I was saying, it's simple to turn every day things into grand opportunities to learn. Here are my favorite ways to do this with my kids with every day chores:

- You're vacuuming. In whatever words, explain how it works. Talk about pushing and pulling. Talk about how to get around and under furniture. With hardly any effort you've incorporated a great lesson on spatial concepts. This also works well as you teach them to clean up their room by looking behind the bed for toys, putting the books vertically on the shelf, and picking the blocks up and in the right bin.

- You're switching out the loads of laundry. This is another easy one for spatial concepts (in and out of the washer and dryer) but it's also great for sorting, searching, and counting. Dump that bottomless hamper of laundry on the floor and give your toddler or preschooler a task: find all the socks, find all the white (or whichever color) clothes, find all the clothes that belong to ____ (whichever person). This gets you a variety of lessons in recognition. Depending on their age(s) they can learn new item words and what those words go with (towels, shirts, pants, or socks). They can learn how to hone in their observation skills and assess a group of items for differences and similarities. They can learn colors in a way that gives them an idea of a range of shades and hues rather than just one basic bold color. (I just made sorting laundry with your kids sound fancy.)

- Take it a step further with that laundry. Have them count out 2, 3, 4 items at a time to bring to you to put in the washer. Have them help you switch the load over to the dryer counting all the way through the load whether it's 10 towels or 20 random pieces of clothing. Another thing you might try is talking about the color of every item. Make it a game of eye-spy. "Bring me something . . . green!" You're kids will be counting and learning about colors in a tangible way. 

- How about implementing some opposites while you do the dishes? Fill the cup. Empty it. Scrub the plate on the top and the bottom. This bowl fits inside the other: one is big and one is small. Turn the water on hot then on cold. Turn the water pressure up high or low. Dry the plate really fast or dry the plate really slow. Maybe some of your dishes are smooth and some have some sort of texture (rough, bumpy, etc). One that's a bit more advanced: some are opaque and some are transparent.

- You're sweeping. Instead of sweeping with the normal hurry-get-that-clean method try making shapes. We have one big broom and a slightly smaller broom (and we did have one that was actually from the toy section but it got broken . . . note to self: get another one) so the kids can "help" me. This might be something more for the older kids when it goes beyond a large circle but you can have them "draw" shapes on the floor with the broom. Make a copy-cat game of it. If you happen to have large tile trace the squares.

- OR, If you have a large enough space you could turn all this into a red-light/green-light style game. (Again, this may be more apt for the older ones.) Start at one end of the room and assign each kid a "spot" near the other end to sweep as much junk into as they can (you could even mark the spot with painter's tape). "Sweep!" and "Freeze!" If they don't freeze in time then back to the beginning. If they leave a large dust bunny or a trail of cheerios behind it's back to the starting line. All of this is a combined exercise in observation, coordination, and self-control. There are some other ways you could go about doing this. For younger ones, choose a general corner area and/or make a line with that tape. Encourage them to look under and around any furniture for trash to clean up. Show them how to manipulate the broom and make small strokes.

Bonus: your kids are learning to CLEAN. There are way too many people in the modern world who have no clue where to start when it comes to cleaning or picking up after themselves. Starting really early and making it fun is an easy way to make a habit of it. One day even if they choose to be slobs (like me) at least you know you've done your due diligence making sure they have the skills necessary to finish a load of laundry, hand wash dishes, or to tell the difference between dish soap and detergent. ;)


     You may all ready be doing these sorts of things and not even realize it. Keep it up. If you have other ideas like these I'd love to hear them!

Have you noticed?

I've linked up a couple of tumblr blogs as pages. The links are just underneath the logo at the top of the page. On the first I have lots of info that, basically, I wish I'd had when I was pregnant with my first and a new mom. The other is fun stuff, mostly activities or products, that I've found on pinterest, blogs, or tumblr. Check them out. You might find something interesting.

Also, if you look to the bar on the right of the page there are several links. There's one set of links for my local favorites from stores to parenting resources. The other set is a general list of amazing resources for lifestyle or parenting. These are all the things I've found and enjoyed or used since I first found out I was going to be a mom.

Click around and I'm sure you'll find something awesome and/or useful!

Potty Training

We have been super busy around here with things.

I thought I'd take the time to post about our potty training plan though.

For starters, we bought a potty for N when she was younger than 12 months to get her used to it. I would occasionally let her sit on it when I was going. She was very proud of herself. She even peed a couple times. I went back and forth with myself on whether to really put effort in as we got closer to my due date with little E. N was about 16-18 months old, we were moving, and I'd read about regressions so I didn't push too hard. Although, I would've loved to be at least partially done with diapers at the time. Well, now she is 25 months. She had made some progress with our very relaxed, keep the potty in the living room, and give her a little candy if she decided to go on her own method. She did regress shortly after E's birth as I expected so I'm actually glad I didn't overdo it.

At this point, she is done with diapers, apparently. For one, she prefers to be nude 24/7. It's nearly impossible to keep her in a diaper or pull up at nap time let alone during the day. She also started calling them "baby pants" or "E's pants" and pretty much outright refuses to voluntarily lie down for a change as she has for the longest time. Oh no, she wants to be a little nudist.

For two, she has started very clearly letting me know when she thinks she needs to go. It doesn't matter if it's #1 or #2 she has shown a lot of awareness and will at least try to get the diaper/pants/underwear/dress up skirt off before she needs to go.

For three, she can communicate. She knows what the potty is and what it is for. She knows that she has a potty chair in the main area and a ring for the big toilet in the bathroom. She knows how to pull the little bucket out of the chair and dump it in the big potty. She knows how to remove and replace the potty ring on it's little hook at the side of the big toilet. She knows to go, wipe, flush, then wash her hands. I still help her a lot on all these points. We have a little stool for her but it is too small so she still needs help getting to the sink. Besides, she'd sit there and play in the water all day if I allowed her to do it all alone anyway.

So, with all of this. It's obviously about that time. Time to potty train. Since when do I have a toddler anyways?

I did a "Test run" several days ago to see how she'd do with a reward system. Um, awesome. Stickers for sitting on the potty and a big prize (a little thing of sparkly nail polish) for going potty and staying dry for a day.

This is going to be my system. I made up a chart. We'll buy stickers and pullups (for nap and bed, she'll wear them if there are princess on them . . .diva) tomorrow. For every time in a day she goes she gets to put a sticker up on her chart. For every FULL day she does well (day does not include nap or night time) she gets a coloring page! Amazing how very easily excited 2 year olds are by coloring. For this part I've printed several pages following a potty theme. (I'll share some of them via the links at the end) THEN, for every 7 days (or a week, but not necessarily consecutive) she goes to the potty and stays dry she gets a "big prize". I have 7 weeks on the chart with a variety of "big prizes" that steadily get more "valuable". Week 1 is new nail polish. Week 2 is a coloring book (yay dollar store!). Week 3 is a book (the potty book). Week 4 is NEW underwear she can pick out herself. Week 5 is a trip to get frozen yogurt. Week 6 is a trip to Chick-fil-a to eat and play. Week 7 we'll make a big cookie and go to build a bear (not something I'd normally go for BUT we have gift cards all ready) and she will get a "BIG GIRL" certificate which I will make up and print out. 

This may sound over the top to some but I don't care. In my head, I will be celebrating so much that I want to throw a party for the universe.

So there you have it. That's my plan.

We'll see how it goes. In 2 weeks I have finals. In 7-8 weeks we'll be doing a lot of traveling.

*fingers crossed*

Here's those pages I printed:

Blue's Clues
Hand washing
Toilet paper
Pull Ups
Baby on the Potty

P.S. Parent Bonus: You can keep the little chart, the coloring pages, and put it together with some pictures of your toddler on the potty to make a little booklet. PERFECT for embarrassing them later. Show off your kiddo's skills to all their hot dates!